Home > humor > No, They Shouldn’t.

No, They Shouldn’t.

I recently saw a “someone will love me for me” type post and felt an urge to say, “no, they shouldn’t.” So here goes. No, they shouldn’t.

Nobody will simply “love you for you.” For a moment let’s put aside the fact that “love” is abstract that though it can be defined through a series of biochemical reactions, that our perception of love is relative. You are a walking accumulation of experiences that can be vaguely recalled. Each of those experiences has made you you, for better or for worse. You are simply a foundation on which the building is made. Your mind, like a skyscraper, can be built one floor at a time. If you are content just “being you” then you have been deluded into thinking you are a complete structure.

Even as you hit your later years, senile and wrinkly, you are still being molded by your environment. Things still happen around you that will alter your structure. Evolutionary progress will be made regardless of whether you are ready for it or not.

“You” are in fact just “you.” Nobody can take that away from you. However, there is nothing about “you” that cannot be changed. There are three ways that someone will “love you for you.”

1. You are indeed a perfect human being:
You have read and understood the top 100 most influential books in history.
Your toenails are trimmed with absolutely no sharp edges.
You know the lyrics to every backstreet boy song and can sing them in brilliant harmony with the karaoke machine.
You always dot your i’s and cross your t’s.
You never doubt whether your use of it’s or its is correct.
You have an above average sperm count, or alternatively have a very hospitable uterus.
You hate Nickelback.

2. The person you are seeking to “love you” is ignorant of your flaws:
Best case scenario, they don’t realize you pick your nose and grow ass-hair.
You confuse your with you’re (this is the worst).
They don’t notice that you actually enjoyed episodes I-III of Star Wars.
You prefer N’Sync, but Backstreet Boys is still acceptable music.
You have a Skrillex playlist (I lied, this is actually the worst).

3. The person you are seeking to “love you” is just as arrogant if not more so than you are:
If you simply choose to ignore the fact that there are things about you that are fixable, then I would like to call you and personally congratulate you on being the world’s #1 biggest douche. Everybody should strive to be the “best” that they are capable of. “Best” being arbitrary and simply meaning better than you are now. Yes, I said it. You are an abominable being, but tomorrow you will hopefully be better than you are today. That means tomorrow you will be the best you! Unless of course you really are so arrogant. Then please feel free to leave your e-mail address in the comments and I will kindly send you hate mail.


Categories: humor
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