Home > Grad School, humor > How Was Your Weekend? No Thanks.

How Was Your Weekend? No Thanks.


Let’s face it. You’re probably asking me as a gateway into bragging about how awesome your weekend was. Maybe you’re asking because you’re nosy. Or perhaps the real reason for your overbearing curiosity is your inability to find something interesting to talk about. Sorry but either way, I’m incapable of dealing with your social ineptitude.

Every week we see the same people. I’m sure you’ve noticed, as I have, that people routinely ask about your weekend like something drastic happened. No, I didn’t get a tattoo. I didn’t go hunting, camping, get married, win the lottery, kill terrorists, or have a threesome. In fact, this weekend was very much like my last and I’m fairly certain yours was, too.

I propose the integration of a new protocol. Let’s keep our conversations to things we actually care about. You’re trying to be polite, but frankly that’s not how things work. If I had dinner with Kobe Bryant, I’d probably be bragging about it right now. It’s not that I don’t feel comfortable telling you about my weekend, it’s just that I probably don’t care about your weekend either.

If you have something you want to talk about spit it out. I don’t care how ridiculous your views are; I’d much rather have a debate about which color Power Ranger was best than discuss pleasantries.

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